Take me with you!!!!
Stopping a car that exceeds 110+ miles is a hard and scary… and very dangerous. Slamming the brakes on womanizing, excessive drinking, living a dangerous life among drug dealers, and other shady characters… is much harder. Two years ago I did not have the self security or confidence to walk into the place like I owned it I could not even walk up to a girl and charm her like it was a walk in a park. Now I am known everywhere I go. Women are indispensable.
I use to live a simple, somewhat innocent life. I had a nice girlfriend, I was safe, I was also scared. I find myself missing those summers where mornings were slow, where sometimes I woke up to her face snuggled in between my shoulder and neck. I miss exploring and sight seeing… I miss a lot and its gone.
I went running this week, I went and workout at the gym, my phone has been quiet… no more random girls. Every now and then- one decides to hit me up. I just let it go. I have been cleaning a lot. I am reducing things, reducing my nightly outings, reducing alcohol consumption, and eliminating people who no longer serve me.
I do it in the most cold, cruel, heartless way. It is better that way. Just look them in the eye; tell them they’re just a slut who was here for the dinners and dick. That they are useless to you. Tell them you no longer want your money tied to drugs. Tell them you will cause them serious harm and that you know where their mother works. Tell them, that there is no love there anymore, to stop jerking you around, that their words mean shit, and that they are selfish for wanting to keep you as anything less than what you were before. You fucking tell them. Do not apologize.
Cleanse yourself. Love yourself. Do not be their collectible item at the expense of your time. Someone is more interested in their phone when you are with them- walk out on them. Do not talk to them again. They play games, do not put up with it.
Take control of your life- 100% Be aggressive, look people in the eye and tell them how you feel. If you still love someone, tell them. If you do not like them… tell them. If someone hurts you… stand up and keep going. If you miss getting coffee early in the morning- make that shit a priority. Pick up the phone and call them. Comfortable people in mediocre roles frighten me.
I wish I can genuinely apologize for cutting people out of my life. But I cannot. I have become hard. I do not have anyone to go to. Anyone to talk to about my life and the challenges I have encountered. I am alone in that respect. Tears do not suffice. Liquor will not do it. I no longer have the commodity of calling someone to comfort me. But that is ok- I am the toughest, most fearless mother fucker because of it. I love me- and that is enough to keep going.
Salvador Dalí pouring a glass of his favorite blanc de blanc.